


Somewhere Between the Lines

by TenSpencerRiedPlease



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Accidental Marriage, Alternate Universe, And Then Regrets it Twenty Years Later, Drunken Shenanigans, I Don't Even Know, Inappropriate Humor, Minor Bucky Barnes/Sam Wilson, Purposeful Marriage Too, Sam Wilson is a Gift, Tony Stark Does What He Wants, Tony and Bucky are Dumbs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-31
Updated: 2016-07-31
Packaged: 2018-07-28 09:02:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7634128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TenSpencerRiedPlease/pseuds/TenSpencerRiedPlease
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve was pissed but so far he hadn’t dumped Tony’s ass so that was a maybe good sign. “Sorry I didn’t tell you that I married your best friend. And I’m also sorry that I lied about going on a business trip so I could get a divorce from said best friend. I genuinely forgot,” he says.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Somewhere Between the Lines

**Author's Note:**

> The title is a snatch of a line from Good to You by Marianas Trench, I chose if because I needed a title.

Tony sighs and knocks on the door, leaning against the doorjamb while he waits for the guy to answer. He couldn’t even remember his _name_ , the fact that he remembered that he needed to divorce someone at all was only because Pepper brought it up. It was like twenty years ago, he barely even remembered what the guy looked like, just that he’d been smokin’ hot. In hindsight this wasn’t the greatest decision he’s ever made but to be fair it wasn’t the worst either. But still, who got roaring drunk, spotted a hot guy down the bar, had a gay panic, and then _married_ the guy for kicks? Tony Stark, that’s who. And to think of all the people that have vied for his hand in marriage all they had to do was be this asshole. Or Steve but Steve was special, to be fair. And Tony was stupid in love, which was why he was going to quietly rid himself of that guy he married twenty years ago and then he could marry Steve and no one had to know the wiser.

Except Pepper but he paid her good money to not say anything about this. The door opens and Tony blinks for a second for two reasons. One, that was a seriously hot guy, and two, he was definitely not the right race if Tony remembered right. “Uh, are you James?” he asks hesitantly, trying to remember if he remembered the guy as white for some reason when he clearly was not.

The guy squints at him, “do I look like a James to you?”

“Uh, I don’t really know what a James is supposed to look like so… maybe?” Tony says, voice going up at the end like that was a question. It wasn’t supposed to be.

“White,” the guy says, deadpan.

“My best friend is named James actually, and he’s… not white. At all. I mean we don’t call him that but still, his name is James and he’s not white so. Where is the presumably white James that also lives here,” he asks awkwardly before he accidentally made more of a fool of himself.

He suffers under the guy’s glare for a moment before the guy grins, “I’m just fucking with ya, man,” he says, going from suspicious to fun loving in like four seconds flat. He half turns and yells, “hey Bucky, some dipshit Tony Stark lookalike is at the door for you.”

“I’m not a lookalike but thanks. I think,” Tony says, frowning. Was it arrogant to thank someone for thinking you like yourself? Probably. Whatever, he’s done worse.

The guy whirls around, “oh fuck, seriously?” he asks, eyes wide. Tony nods and Not James presses his hand to his heart, “oh my god, I just had a whole conversation with my celebrity crush and I have made a fool of myself,” he says, sounding dejected. “God damnit, you even said your best friend’s name was James. James Rhodes, I’m a _twit_.”

“Why are you a twit? I mean yeah, you are, but is there a reason or what?” someone new, presumably Bucky/ James, says. Tony might feel warm and fuzzy inside from all the love in his eyes looking at whom Tony assumed was his significant other but he needed a divorce ASAP. Not James points at the door and the smile drops off Actual James’ face.

“Hey pookums, I want a divorce,” he says cheerily, ripping the band aid off before James/ Bucky had a chance to try and shoo him away before he could get to the point. If the situation were reversed he probably would have been doing some serious flips to get Steve the hell out of the room before the cat was out of the bag. Better this guy’s life ruined than his own and if that made him selfish, well, he came to terms with being a selfish asshole a _long_ time ago.

“You want a _what_?” Not James asks.

“A divorce,” Tony says, holding up the papers he forgot he was holding.

Not James turns to Actual James, “when the fuck were you going to tell me that you married _Tony Stark_?” he asks.

“It was like twenty years ago, before I joined the military. We drunk and stupid and I’m pretty sure Tony left in the morning without even saying goodbye. Who the fuck _marries_ someone and leaves them without even saying goodbye? I am absolutely divorcing your ass,” Actual James says to him.

“Awesome, sign the dotted line,” Tony says, holding the papers out.

“Wait, wait, wait,” Not James says when Actual James goes to reach for the papers, “you’re going to explain this in far more detail.”

*

Tony didn’t even like tea but Sam was giving him this _look_ so he drank the liquid anyways, regardless od how much he didn’t want to. James, who apparently went by ‘Bucky’, was not at all impressed with Tony dropping in on his life and ruining it. His going by Bucky did, however, explain why he didn’t remember the name. He would have remembered ‘James’; it was Rhodey’s name even if he didn’t use it in most situations. Bucky was just too sad to be true.

“Let me get this straight, you joined the military to pick up women and married a man?” Sam says to Bucky, looking largely unimpressed. Bucky nods, looking down at the table in shame. “And you, you went to a bar to get black out drunk to avoid thinking about you maybe gayness and dealt with this by marrying a dude?”

“My coping mechanism leave something to be desired,” Tony says. He’s always been just a little bit self destructive, he was pretty sure that’s what drew him to Steve to begin with. Big blonde guy standing by a motorcycle in leather, that was just begging for trouble and Tony was _there_. The last thing he had expected out of the encounter was ending up in a mostly empty ally way tripping over bottles, trash, and his own pants but hey, he wasn’t complaining either.

“Yeah, no shit. So now you’re here to get a divorce from Bucky so you can marry someone new?” Sam asks, clarifying the situation.

“Basically, yeah. Please,” he adds on at the end.

Bucky pinches the bridge of his nose, “just give me the fucking papers so we can get this over with,” he says. Tony happily slides the papers over so he could get the hell out of here and get home early; maybe surprise Steve with flowers or some other stupid and sappy romantic gift. Not his thing, but Steve was one of those sappy romance kind of people and he didn’t mind it if it made Steve happy.

Of course that’s when someone knocks on the door and things go from going well to going terribly. Sam gets up to go deal with it and Tony doesn’t think anything of it because why the hell would he? Then he hears an all too familiar voice call out to Bucky and he all but dives under the table. It would have been a good plan if Steve didn’t notice him under there right away. “Why are you under the table?” he asks when the shock of seeing him somewhere he wasn’t supposed to be wears off.

“I lost a contact?” Tony says, his voice hitching up a bit at the end, turning the statement into a question.

“You don’t wear contacts, or glasses, why are you lying?” Steve asks, hands on his hips with that Righteous Fury look on his face. Damnit.

“ _No_ ,” Bucky says, clearly having clued into whom Tony was marrying after that divorce went through. Tony lies down on the ground and accepts that his relationship was now over.

“No what?” Sam asks excitedly. Tony was getting the idea that this guy was a bit of a shit disturber and he didn’t like it.

“Stevie, _no_ , you didn’t say you were marrying Tony Stark!” Bucky says, sounding pained. Fuck Bucky, he had no place to judge, he married Tony first.

“Obviously I didn’t, we’ve been trying and mostly succeeding at avoiding the media circus. I was going to tell you now but it seems that Tony has beat me to it. He’s supposed to be in Virginia,” Steve says, drawing attention back to Tony. He doesn’t move from his position on the ground. “God, how is it possible for you to be the most dramatic person in the room when you aren’t even doing anything?” Steve mumbles.

“When are you supposed to be getting married?” Bucky asks and Tony hears those fucking papers shuffle. He better not show those to Steve, he has a little bit of dignity left and he was intent on keeping it, thanks.

“In the fall, why?” Steve asks, “and is anyone going to explain why Tony is lying under he table instead of doing whatever it was he’s supposed to be doing in Virginia?”

“Is that like… enough time?” Bucky asks, tilting his stupid head so he can look at Tony.

He glared back at Bucky because obviously it was enough time. “I’m rich, six hours from now is enough time,” he snaps.

“Okay there, jackass, I was just trying to be nice,” Bucky says, rolling his eyes at Tony.

“Why. Are. You. Under. The. Table?” Steve asks, enunciating carefully.

“I think he was trying to hide,” Sam says in an entirely unhelpful manner. Bucky laughs to at least someone found this amusing.

“You remember when I first joined the military like- oww, did you just _kick_ me? Fuck you, Stark. Anyways I called you and said I made a huge mistake but you didn’t get the message until two days later? Well he was the huge mistake,” Bucky says, pointing to Tony.

Steve looks between the two, “what the hell does that mean?” he asks slowly.

“They’re _married_ ,” Sam says excitedly, clearly enjoying stirring the pot. He was so not invited to the wedding, assuming there was still going to _be_ a wedding.

“You neglected to tell me you were _married_ and to my _best friend_?” Steve snaps and oh, Tony was in for it.

“It slipped my mind until Pepper reminded me about it last week,” Tony says from his spot under the table.

“Explain _everything_ ,” Steve tells him.

“I’m calling Riley because this is just too good to be true,” Sam says happily. Fuck that guy.

*

Steve was pissed but so far he hadn’t dumped Tony’s ass so that was a maybe good sign. “Sorry I didn’t tell you that I married your best friend. And I’m also sorry that I lied about going on a business trip so I could get a divorce from said best friend. I genuinely forgot,” he says.

He gets _the_ most annoyed look but he figures he deserved that. “You know what, I’d like to be just a little mad but I can’t because you are absolutely the type to forget that you got _married_. And it wasn’t like you knew you married Bucky, you only met him that time you forgot you got married. I can’t really blame you for that even if I’d really, _really_ like to. You two didn’t sleep together, did you?” he asks. Tony looks away because he was not prepared to tell his fiancée he fucked his best friend twenty years ago unknowingly. “Oh _come on_!” Steve yells.

The sudden laughter from the front of the car tells Tony that Happy found the situation hilarious, “only you, boss,” he says and the laughter picks up. He was docking Happy’s pay.

*

Tony accepts his place in the doghouse and he also accepts Rhodey laughing his ass off when he finds out. “Are you fucking serious?” he asks, doubled over with laughter.

“Okay I feel like the fact that my fiancée might leave me because I married and fucked his best friend twenty years ago deserves a little sympathy,” Tony says and Rhodey starts laughing so hard he stops making noise.

“How do these thing even _happen_ to you, man?” Rhodey asks. The fuck if Tony knew, he just had weirdly convoluted bad luck; it was just how he worked.

“Am I going to get a little sympathy or are you going to continue laughing at my misfortune?” he asks. Rhodey’s bursting into laughter gives him his answer. He needed new friends.

*

Sharon was doubled over laughing and Steve did not appreciate it. “Oh my god, seriously?” she asks, eyes bright because she’s had just a bit too much to drink. If Steve was capable of getting drunk he would but sadly while Bucky and Tony were off getting _married_ he was in the hospital trying an experimental treatment that thankfully cured him of all his ailments.

“Yes, seriously Sharon. Will you stop laughing, how am I even supposed to _deal_ with this?” he asks. Was there even protocol for what happened when you found out that your best friend married your fiancée twenty years ago only to end up engaged to his husband’s best friend? By _accident_.

“Come on, this is exactly the kind of thing you would expect to happen in the life of Tony Stark, you knew what you were getting into. Besides, it was twenty years ago and they obviously got hitched for laughs. Who cares that they slept together; he experience was so mediocre that Tony _forgot_ the whole thing, marriage and all. Think he could forget you like that?” she asks, eyebrow raised.

And this was why he was friends with Sharon; the woman was frighteningly good at cutting to the heart of a situation. And she was good at putting things into perspective too, she was right; Tony would never forget him like that.

“Thanks,” he says.

“No problem. So I get free drinks for the awesome advice, right?” she asks and Steve rolls his eyes playfully but he agrees to pay.

*

When he gets home he finds Tony sitting on the couch watching T.V without really watching. He knows he’s not watching because, despite having a life more dramatic than any reality television show, Tony hated reality television. Steve had a weakness for it though so that’s probably why the channel was on that to begin with. “Hey,” he says softly, looking down at Tony. He hadn’t even turned and that was a bad sign but knowing Tony he had turned around every time someone walked through the door and ended up disappointed it wasn’t Steve so he gave up.

Tony whirls around at the sound of his voice though, his entire face lighting up when he sees Steve, “oh thank god, I am so sorry, I know I shouldn’t have lied and-” he cuts Tony off with a kiss.

“I know, and as usual your method of dealing with things could use a little more communication but all in all you couldn’t really help this one. I mean short of going back in time there isn’t much you can do about marrying Bucky and it isn’t like you knew twenty years later you’d want to marry me. You should have told me about the marriage thing but honestly if I was in your position I wouldn’t have told me either. Too embarrassed and I’d want a little pride,” he admits. How would you even bring that up anyways, like hey, I have to get a divorce before we get married and also I forgot I got married, whoops. That is exactly how Tony would bring it up too, though.

“You’re the best,” Tony says. He looks so relieved and Steve feels bad for causing him so much stress, even if he technically did this to himself, if completely by accident. He couldn’t believe Sam called Riley so they could watch with _popcorn_. Bucky was happy with Sam though so he left it be, and in turn Bucky kept his opinions of Tony to himself. Steve had no clue how he was going to deal with Bucky and Tony in the same room without thinking of that time they were _married for twenty years_ but he’d figure it out. And he was beating Bucky’s record for the longest person married to Tony Stark too, if for no other reason than for his own piece of mind.

“I know,” he says and Tony snorts, “so can we have a Halloween themed wedding?” he asks, knowing this would be the best time to get what he wanted.

Tony looks pained, “you’re lucky I love you.”

“You’re the best!” Steve says happily.

“I know. No Captain America though, tell Phil to dress up as someone else with a giant stick up his ass. Actually going as himself will do,” Tony says and Steve smacks his arm, “ow, it’s true! Clint, he’s awesome and laid back, but Phil is more uptight than a robot, I have a basis for comparison, Dummy has more personality than he does! Tell Fury he did a shit job manufacturing an android that doesn’t suck the fun out of everything. Unless that was his intent, then congratulate him for finding a way to make me disinterested in androids.”

“Tony,” Steve says in a firm tone.

“I’m not taking any of that back, Phil is a fun-sucking android and I don’t like him. His humor is drier than an overcooked Christmas turkey,” he mumbles. He had no clue what the hell transpired between the two but they were not at all fond of each other. It made for some very interesting sassing competitions over dinner, that was for sure.

“Fine, no Captain America but you have to be nice to Phil,” Steve tells him.

“Aww. What am I getting out this?” he asks, sulking.

“I’ll let you pick the wedding songs,” Steve says, resigning himself to a night of terrible classic rock. Tony looks like he just hung the damn moon though so he figures it’ll be worth it just to see Tony happy.


End file.
